We’ve all seen them. We come across them everyday, but yet whenever we see them we say the same thing, “How did that guy get that girl? She’s way too good for him. He’s such an asshole”. Yet there she is, a beautiful girl with an excellent personality and she’s walking hand in hand, absolutely in love, with some guy who, in everyone else’s views, is the biggest prick and overall door knob. So then how did he do it? Did he cast some kind of spell over her that makes him seem like Brad Pitt to her? Because that can be the only logical explanation, can’t it?

Well I’m sorry to bust your magical bubble but that’s not quite it. All you guys out there, listen up, girls like guys others think are asses because they are brimming with confidence. And there’s nothing more a girl likes than a confident guy. Now granted being a jerk isn’t the best way to show confidence, so don’t all you guys rush out and become assholes. I don’t want to get blamed for something like that. There are other ways of showing confidence. And Girls who truly do like guys who are jerks need to be left alone because they have a whole other set of issues you don’t want to get involved in. Now, on with the rest of this. The way you sit, the way you walk, and how you talk are by far the most critical things that show how confident you might be, and when you try to go up to a girl and try to spark up a conversation out of thin air she sees all those things in a split second, so don’t screw it up. Sure looks are important too, you can’t be butt ugly and try to hit on hot girls, but looks take the back seat to confidence, it’s true, they do.

As far as sitting, walking, and talking go they all fall under the category of composure. How you compose yourself says a lot about you; if you’re a slouch it shows u might be lazy, if you look at the floor when you walk and don’t make eye contact when you talk it shows that you have self confidence issues and aren’t quite sure about yourself, or you’ve got something to hide. So I guess when your mom used to tell you to “keep your chin up and sit straight” she was actually inadvertently preparing you on how to talk to girls you like, so go thank your mom, and if you didn’t listen to her then shame on you, you’re paying for it now.
Now I know no one wants to sit straight up in their chair like their spine is made of metal, so if you are going to lean back in you chair a little, cross your legs. Not in a feminine way but so that your ankle from one foot is rested on the knee of your other. Kind of a wide stance legs cross. But you can’t just look confident and sit around not saying anything. That’s just weird. Have something genuinely interesting to say, speak up, and be sure to look into her eyes when you do so. Not in a creepy way or anything, but in a way where she’s assured that she’s the most important person in that room for you. And don’t just go on talking by yourself, say what you have to, take a breather and let her say a few words. You’re trying to ‘interact’ with her, not just recite a monologue. When you’ve said your bit, and it’s her turn, shut up and really listen, because she damn well was listening to you. Even if a girl appears to not be hearing what you say she still hears all, so she’ll appreciate it when you’re actively listening to her. Don’t gaze off staring at her lips, or her chest. She will catch you.

Practice being more confident around your friends and family, and when they start noticing a change in your attitude try it on the rest of the world. The next time you see a girl or group of girls sitting at the local coffee shop just walk over, say hi, introduce yourself and take a seat. Start up an interesting conversation and get them involved into it as soon as possible. They’ll probably lighten up and start talking to you. And ladies, cut us a little slack, it takes a lot of guts to just come over and talk to you. What’s the worst that could happen? They won’t respond and you’ll get the hint to leave, or they’ll tell you to go away. At which point you tell them that it was a pleasure meeting them, and that you and your friends are sitting over at the other table, so if they want some added company they’re more than welcome to come join you. Being more confident won’t just help you with the girls but it’ll help you make your life better. People will take you more seriously if you’re confident in what you’re saying, management at work will notice you more if you’re confident in your decision making, and your mom will see you finally taking her advice, and it will make her proud. And maybe it’ll be you that people look at and say “How did he get that girl?” but they won’t add that you’re an asshole at the end of it, because you are a nice guy and aren’t trying to be ‘Bad to the Bone’.

Email me your comments and questions at salman@desivibe.ca

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